“I would like to be known as an intelligent woman, a courageous woman, a loving woman, a woman who teaches by being” Maya Angelou.
#Me too.
I have long admired the wisdom of Maya Angelou. Her book – ‘I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings’ moved me deeply. In fact I was hooked on the title alone. Another book title that inspired me to purchase immediately, is an equally great book called A Little Life by Hanya Yangihara.
What struck me about both of these books is the suffering that can be endured by the human body, the resilience of the human spirit, the person we become in the process of living, and that we are the architect of that person, moment by moment.
Victor Frankl explores the same subject in Man’s Search for Meaning. He reminds us that we are free to choose our attitude or response, in any given circumstance, in any given moment. Given that we are free to choose, do we choose to suffer, and why? There is so much suffering in the world we are continuously searching to find a meaning that makes sense of it all. Religion has provided ‘comfort’ for generations, by promising ‘heaven’ in the next life, but not this one. I wish to challenge that. I believe it is possible to be happy in this life. I am happy. I am free to create my own happiness. And sometimes I create my own misery!! I am free to do that too. Personally I prefer happy. My circumstances are not perfect, but perhaps they are ‘perfect for me’. My ‘journey’ has not been smooth; I have had my challenges, I continue to have challenges and I continue to learn about courage and patience and resilience and forgiveness and raising my level of ‘want’. I want to live a big life, to stretch myself, to grow and develop, to discover and become what I am capable of becoming. I am free to explore my limitations and the fears that might keep me small. If, in doing this, I can inspire others to do the same, then that will make me very happy indeed. Who knows what miracles we could achieve. And, of course, no suffering allowed!
I have spent a large portion of my life in the Medical Profession doing my bit to relieve some of the suffering of the human race, one person at a time. As an Anaesthetist, this was relatively straightforward. I could provide pain relieving medication, anxiolytics, sedatives, anti nausea drugs, drugs to induce sleep, drugs to maintain anaesthesia while the surgeon wielded the knife, making sure the patient felt no pain, hence experienced no suffering. In the context of real physical pain, this is a relatively easy concept. No so with emotional pain.
I am not a fan of suffering of any kind. I do not want to personally suffer in this life, neither physically nor emotionally, nor do I wish to see any one suffering needlessly. I have seen people bear extraordinary pain and yet do not give the impression that they are ‘suffering’. In the area of emotional pain, ‘suffering’ takes a different and complex form. The source of this ‘pain’ cannot be surgically excised. Nor can it heal naturally if we continually ‘pick at it’ ie re-living it over and over. Nor can we successfully ‘bury’ it, without the danger of an ‘abscess’ developing that will eventually rupture, spilling out the poisonous contents. We try to ‘anaesthetise’ ourselves against it, with alcohol or drugs or shopping or holidays … but the relief is temporary. Could we perhaps ‘liberate it’ by sharing it, opening it up to others, trusting that the truth will set us free?
It seems that suffering is now such an acceptable and expected state of being for us, we have created our own suffering and we are now trapped in the monster we created. Advertisers and marketers take full advantage of this by reminding us of all the ways we are suffering and offering us yet another perfect solution!! Why have we gotten so complacent about suffering? Why do we accept is as an integral part of the human condition? Personally, I do not see a need for suffering at all. I see a need for some new questions? What is the source of our suffering and why do some of us suffer more than others? What is the cost, or even benefit, of this suffering? Is it that if we are suffering we have permission to also punish? Is real ‘suffering’ a protracted state, and is it always related to some idea of ‘punishment’. Who’s fault is it that I suffer?? Who should pay? The real questions should be: Who is suffering? A: Me! Who is punishing? A: Me! Who can stop it? A: I can! How? By telling the truth about that. By being willing to stop it? By being willing to forgive? By reminding ourselves that we are indeed free to do that.
When the bird sings in its cage, it is not flapping it wings desperately trying to get out. It is safe, in its ‘comfort zone’. Who knows what it is singing. Who knows if it is longing for freedom. Who knows if it is fearful of leaving the cage and spreading its wings and having is voice be heard in the wider world. Clearly, as the bird is singing, it is not suffering in the cage. An onlooker might see the bird in the cage and say “oh dear, poor bird, trapped in cage; it must be suffering from having no freedom – we must set it free!” Clearly the bird is not suffering in the cage. Where the suffering seems to be happening is in the mind of the observer. Is the observer suffering in some ‘cage’ of their own?
I often have the experience of being that caged bird, singing, but who, even though the cage is open, still continues to sing inside the cage, fearful of the big wide world.
So why does this singing bird stay in the cage?
While I desire freedom, I am slightly terrified of the immensity and opportunity of it. Freedom? To be and do anything I want? To sing anywhere? To say anything I want? To have my voice be heard everywhere? The world is truly my oyster? Anything??? And, if I am free to be anything, say anything, do anything, I am still trapped by the fears resident in this small human body, with its limited time span on this earth, its limited physical capacities. But my voice is not. What will I do with this freedom I now have? What could I do? Where could I start? Here now? I could start a revolution!! But what do I really want to start? What is important to me? What am I willing to risk my freedom of speech to say? ‘With great freedom comes great responsibility’.
When I left the safety (cage) of the Medical Profession and the Hospital and the Role of Anaesthetist …. and began my entrepreneurial journey to discover a new me – the world opened up as a big new playing field where I could invent a whole new game for myself
I remain committed to helping people be healthy and well, happy and fulfilled, free from ‘suffering’ in any ‘cage’. story, meaning, fear or false belief they have about themselves or others or the the world.
If there really is no ‘cage’ for us to suffer inside of, what would we be singing and where?
Fear is the cage. Our fears keep us small. Even if we leave our ‘cage’ we may simply find ourselves afraid in a bigger cage. We won’t move past our fears until we have suffered enough because of them. Until ‘the pain of holding on is greater than the fear of letting go’ nothing will change. Until we become aware of how the confines of our small cage crushes the enormity of the spirit of our human potential, until we get really uncomfortable with being comfortable, only then will we risk digging deep to discover the truth of who we are, beyond our fears. ‘The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek’.
Look at your cage. Look outside ….
The secret is to step out anyway … even if it is into a bigger cage. As human beings our ‘fear’ will never leave us, but we are free to choose whether we let it stop us or not.
The big question is why would we want to go beyond our fear, to leave our cage?
Who am I today?
Today I am an intelligent, courageous, loving woman, exploring my ‘cage’, discovering that my being (spirit) does not need to suffer in the confines of any cage. If we are singers, then we must sing, in or out of any ‘cage’. We simply need to realise that perhaps there is no ‘cage’, and even if there is, perhaps the door is open and, if it’s not open, perhaps we hold our own key.
Fly high, soar free and shine brightly
Eileen x
Would you like to start a conversation with me to help you identify the ‘cage’ you might be ‘suffering’ in, that is stopping you spreading your wings and shining your light? If you want to fly high, soar free and shine brightly … feel free to contact me.
